So here you all are, looking at a website full of sardonically slightly sadistic humor and enough sarcasm to sink some seriously strong sailboats.

I can be professional. I can be proper. I can be anything at all, and much like the licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, you will never know. Unless you hire me.

Which I think is an absolutely brilliant idea.

I have a lot more work printed and published than I feature on here. I don’t know why I leave so much of my legitimate stuff out.

Element of mystery?


But probably not.

More like poor executive functioning.

So here’s my Resume. It doesn’t get updated a lot and it’s mad out of whack, so it’s more than a tad bit pointless to read. That probably presents a personal potential problem.

Which is why I didn’t actually post it.

Ah, aliteration.

I’m not nearly as funny or witty as I think I am.

I’m an oddball and I like it. Sometimes.

My strengths include, but are not limited to, inappropriate commentary, forgetfulness, delusions of belletristic grandeur, horror addiction, anti-climactic conversation skills, poor attention, and overactive JD-like imagination.

And I’m kind of terrified of birds. And dogs. But mostly birds.

Don’t you judge me.