The 80 Million Killers of Kissing

Let me begin by saying that I do not have an issue with people’s sexuality. Who am I to tell anyone what they can or cannot do? Whatever floats your boat, go for it. You get in there and close the deal, if that’s what you want to do.

However, distracting diligent disclaimers aside, I really do think kissing is nauseating in the most unfortunate of ways. It isn’t about being aro/ace. Think about all the bacteria that’s being exchanged during that interaction. You are quite literally opening yourself up to another person, whose mouth may have been places that could make your stomach turn.

According to Time Magazine, 80 million bacteria can spread from just ten seconds of kissing. The human tongue is really not the cleanest kid in the playground that is your body.

Sex is not the only way sicknesses can spread. We talk to our kids about STDs all the time, but mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for the sake of pleasure is not exactly the cleanest activity either, especially if we’re putting a French twist on the game.

In fact, your sexual organs are cleaner than your mouth. If you and your partner have tested negative for sexually transmitted diseases and keep everything covered and safe, you might actually be better off jumping over first base and taking it straight to home plate.

Kids should be informed of the implications of all activities that involve the exchange of body fluids. Preaching abstinence is not sufficient. Talking VD is not sufficient. Lay it all on the table. Bring the banana. Bring balloons. Bring puppets.

Okay, puppets may be a bit creepy. Nix the puppets idea.

Anyway, the next time you think about swapping spit with someone, I hope you remember this post and skip right to sex, instead.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

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