Robert Frost once said, “Half the world is composed of people who want to say something and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”
Restraints come in many different forms. They can be fear of consequences, judgments, tomorrow, society. They can be physical binds and emotional trauma. They can be rational, irrational or even a bit of both. The first half of the world is terrorized by entities it cannot capture, for often, they exist only in our minds.
We are terrified of missteps, cautious of embarrassment, weary of others and anxious of “x.”
And every so often, binds that we create for ourselves lead us to the very precipice of insanity. We drive ourselves to devastated mental states. It has created the possibility of concurrent existence of sanity and insanity; We function as normal human beings, not outwardly struggling in physical or “literal” aspects of our lives, but when we lay down to sleep, silence is deafening. We can’t be alone with ourselves, because we are plagued with memories and thoughts that we suppress during the day. We analyze every word we have said until everything disintegrates into total nonsense and our regrets intensify.
What we are afraid to say plays over and over in our minds until we fall into nightmares or fail to sleep completely.
And nothing is worth it. No one has power over you unless you give it to them.
Speak up. Say it. Say something. Who are you afraid of? Break the chains, so that when you lay down to sleep at night, you don’t wonder what could have happened.
And if it backfires, learn to forgive yourself. No one matters but you. It will hurt. I cannot promise immediate solace, but it will fade if you let it.
I basically admitted to being asexual to my father, yesterday. It was an absolutely horrible experience, and it made me feel like complete and total trash. He wasn’t at all mean. At least, not intentionally, but it was just not good. I agreed to things I should not have agreed to.
Oh, and this was two hours into my birthday. I’m officially 25 years old.
I do not regret it, because I am not ashamed of who I am.
No one should ever be. Speak up. Say something. Who are you afraid of?