An Anti-Abortion Augury

I am not an activist. I do not rally for anything. I do not push my beliefs on others to control how they act. I do not care about what other people do, especially if I don’t play a part in the outcome. This is not a post about the rightness or wrongness of aborting what isn’t yet a child.

I now recognize that, that statement may convey my actual feelings on the subject, but I’ll move on.

I’m writing this because I simply don’t see why people get so heated about abortion. If you aren’t having the child, why do you care so much about what happens to it? I realize that this sounds insensitive and cruel, but the reality of the situation is, if you are not someone who was personally included in the seed-planting portion of this union, you don’t really have the right to dictate the results. You’re not the one who was throwing free throws and scored.

Some people see it as murder. I get it. Who has the right to take any life? Maybe no one.

I just don’t understand why men get so broken up about it. I mean, if you had a one-night stand, odds are you don’t really care about the person you just soiled with your surprisingly skilled swimmers. It was just companionship, and you were about to face a punishment you probably weren’t ready for.

Bonus points if you’re already dating someone else.

You want to make yourself unhappy just because you believe that keeping an unwanted child is “the right thing to do.” That doesn’t make sense. A woman just gave you an out. You can now walk away, childless and void of responsibility, and be with whoever you want.

I guess what I’m saying is, if she’s going the abortion route, run off and have your fairy tale life and stop trying to make everyone unhappy with your sad-sack beliefs.

I’m not saying abortion is good. I’m just saying that when you get a do-over, don’t be a little bitch about it. Not everyone gets that. Go and live your life the way you were going to live it before. Be happy with the shot you got, and don’t dwell. The kid is gone, now. You can’t get it back.

 

I clearly have no morals.

The Asexual Anxiety

These past couple of days, my asexuality has been following me around like a dark cloud. I thought I was over this feeling, but I guess I’m not.

Two of my closest friends are telling me all about how in love they are and how badly they want to get married. They seem so excited, so over-the-moon, about these guys. They talk to them day and night, and they get this special feeling of some kind when they see them. They rarely shut up about them. They’re willing to compromise their dreams, their vocational futures, to be with these men. I just can’t comprehend that.

And the more I hear about it, the worse I feel.

I know being asexual isn’t something that should be depressing, but it is for me. I have to barrel through life knowing that I’m missing something, and I’m already missing so much. All the things I can’t do because of my multiple illnesses. All the things I can’t try because of my medications. All the places I can’t go because there’s a risk that I might faint.

This feels like it’s another illness all on its own.

The more they talk about it, the more I am reminded that I’m going to do it because I have to. I want so badly to want it, but I don’t. I don’t want to ever have sex with anyone, but I’m verbally giving consent when in my head I’m practically screaming.

But that’s my cross to bear.

And Now it’s an Instagram

And now I have an Instagram. An Instagram, I have. My friend made me one years ago that I never used, and now, I’m using it.

That’s how badly I want to be a writer. I’m using Instagram; A platform I have largely criticized since I discovered it.

The username hendhsalah. I’m still building it, so don’t judge my lack of posting, please.

God I need a drink

of water.

I’m such a loser.

Beauty & the Beast: A Review I Didn’t Want to Write (Spoiler Alert)

But I have to. I have been trying to stay away from critiquing popular film and media, and up until now, I think I may have succeeded.

However, enough is enough. Beauty & the Beast was my absolute favorite movie growing up. Me and my parents and brother watched it every single year by the fire place when it snowed.

And sure, it’s not exactly the pinnacle of sane or reasonable, what with all the Stockholm and beastiality, but it’s a good movie dammit.

Where do I begin? Let’s break this down.

Hold on to your hats, folks. This is going to be a long one.

Music:
Not only did they randomly add songs that never existed before, the first song was different. It was difficult to sing along to, and it was awkwardly executed.

The “Gaston” song was a cheap heap of unimpressive acting. It was originally an upbeat, funny, obnoxious number that you couldn’t help but break out in song with. In this movie, the song was slow, slightly disconcerting, and not at all fun or light-hearted. It was a tribute solely to Gaston’s hubris without the snarky and bouncy undertone.

“Be Our Guest” was perhaps the greatest failure of them all. Lumière’s singing was slow and boring. The plates were dancing to a beat that was more suitable for a serenade than an entertaining dinner show. I cannot fathom why the directors would do such a thing.

Cast and characters:
Belle. Emma Watson is a good actress. That is undeniable. I don’t care that her voice was auto-tuned. No complaints on that front, either. However, I don’t think that she quite captured the spirit of Belle. The acting wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, either. When I look at her, I don’t see Belle.

Gaston. Gaston, Gaston, Gaston. They cast an unfunny version of the original character that does not make up for his narcissism with anything humorous. Gaston is a terrible person, but we love watching him and singing his song. This guy was not Gaston. He was a creepy stalker type antagonist that seemed really out of place, and he was far too evil.

I wanted to hear my favorite line: “It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking…”

New guy couldn’t pull it off. No disrespect to the actor, but he was not cast for the right role.

LeFeu: I loved him. It was a perfect casting. He was funny, he was true to his character and there should be zero complaints about him. Excellent in every single way. I think Jonah Hill would have been a great casting for that role too, but as it is, this actor did a remarkable job.

Now, let’s talk about Lumière. This was perhaps one of the most agitating parts of the movie. Lumière is my favorite character in Beauty & the Beast. He is funny, charismatic, sarcastic, and debonaire. In the remake, to put it frankly, he is flat. There is no charisma. There is no spirit. It’s just a metal thing with a face on it that looks unpleasant at best.

Belle’s father. Where was the loving and a little off his rocker inventor that kept blowing things up and creating all-too-dangerous inventions that probably wouldn’t be very helpful? He wasn’t even remotely eccentric, in the remake. He was a beloved character who was turned into a wise old man with secrets about Belle’s mom.

Beast. No. He was far too rational with Lumière in the beginning of the movie, and his tempter wasn’t quite up to par. The Beast was supposed to be tearing things to shreds and roaring at literally everyone around him. He was forced into a more humane demeanor, maybe to decrease the psychotic element of beastiality, and it just didn’t work.

Poor old Cogsworth. This character was hysterical in the original movie, but he barely had lines in the remake. His and Lumière’s dynamic was a major part in the story. Bye bye, best friends.

Scenes and Storyline:
Let’s go through it in order. The introduction can only be described as gratuitously ostentatious. It set the scene for a disorganized and mediocre film.

The inventor’s invention. The original movie showed Belle’s father in a frenzy with logs and axes flailing around. He was creating something that would never likely be sold to any sane person. In the remake, he just sits at a desk playing with what looks like a windmill. They have a calm conversation and he then goes off to the market, not an inventor’s convention. It was nothing short of awful.

Upon entering the castle for the first time, Belle’s father is not greeted by the castle’s many inhabitants. He helps himself to food and drink, like a common thief. He gets tossed in jail by his own doing. Not defending the cruelty, but it wasn’t entirely uncalled for.

Gaston ties Belle’s father to a tree and leaves him for the wolves to eat him. Then, the enchantress shows up and saves him, just for her to leave him in town to get thrown into what I can only assume was the asylum. I’m just going to let that logic sink in.

Belle watching her mother’s death; That was unnecessary and did nothing but elongate the movie negatively. It wasn’t even really that clear, and contributed nothing to the actual story. It was just far too depressing.

The fight in the castle. It wasn’t bad. It had a few good moments in it, but the enchantress took way too long. By this point, I was begging her to get on with it so I could go to bed.

The final scene. It was fine. It was comparable to the original movie.

Final notes:
They destroyed so many things that it was almost a whole different film. If it weren’t titled ‘Beauty & the Beast,’ it may have been good cinematography. They did not do the original movie justice.

I understand that this was not intended to be an exact copy, but so many elements were such complete perversions of the original that the nostalgic feeling that may have been entwined in this picture was non-existent.

This was not Beauty & the Beast. This is was Stockholm warped into something pseudo-wonderful to distract viewers from everything that is wrong with it.

Oh, and the Beast isn’t supposed to know how to read, by the way.

That was fun. I’m going to start writing more reviews.

Feel free to yell at me.

Therein the Theory of my Theatrical Thoughts on Theoretical Paper

The struggle inside of each living creature taking up a vastly underestimated amount of space to coexist with the ignorant and arrogant is war.The struggle to continue breathing despite the choking feeling that is more figuratively painful than physical damage, is war.

The fight between truth and desire to conquer the darkest of times is war.

In silence.

Violence in politics conceives a superficial consideration. No one cares about the government; their battle is not our battle, and the battle of their people is of minuscule importance to those in power.

In honest and completely unabashed truth, nary a place escapes the label, regardless of its population’s misguided belief in the existence of contemporary effective nationalism, religious freedom and conclusively inauthoritative free speech.

And the fictionally accurate tale that unfolds within the sequential, mildly related, pages of the compilation of my own creations will either be well-written or famous, possibly neither, and unlikely both.

But, at the very least, I will try to manage to escape becoming an attention-seeking sell-out who is celebrated for drivel that caters to an audience with the mindset of a hormonal child trapped in a whimsically unrealistic daydream.

Would that I become a writer to end all writers, a novelist to novelize revolutionary reads, a creator of plot line to be added to the seven, but ah, perchance to dream.

But I do appreciate the stereotypical arrogance that depict me alarmingly un-charming in the previous sentences.

Oh, how the tones of story-telling devolve.

He’ll Want a White Dress on the Wrong Girl

It’s out. Two of my friends officially know. I can talk about it, now. Sure, this information still very down below on the jigga down low, but I’m not being forced to fake it constantly, anymore. I am still treading very softly and restricting how much I talk about it, because I don’t want to make it a burden on anyone or a big deal, but at least I no longer have to lie. At least they know. I will keep the discussion about it at a minimal level, just as a common courtesy to other people. I would be self-centered to the nth degree.

I am, however, a horrendous human being for how I treat men in order to keep the secret locked up in my head.

The guy I’m with told me that he loves me, last night. I should have told him. I should have said something, but I am a true coward. I said nothing. I said nothing at all, save for “goodnight,” and I didn’t even spell it out.

But how do you tell someone whom you’ve been with on and off for years that you’re aro-ace? That would probably hurt him even more than not responding with the three little words he’s dying to hear. It is basically telling him that, despite how much heart he put into the relationship, I couldn’t love him. That’s terrible.

It is getting increasingly difficult to pretend things are normal. He continues to work on making it work and I continue to hope it doesn’t. I can’t even explain why I stay with him. I just do. I’m marking time, with him. He doesn’t truly matter to me, but I pretend so well that he has no idea.

He wants to wed the wrong girl. He thinks he knows who’s wearing the wedding dress in his head, but that person doesn’t really exist. She isn’t here. She just pretends to be.

And that is the worst thing of all.

Do not go on blind dates.

I got set up on a blind date, the other night.

I cannot stress enough how horrendous it was. He was an absolute creature. The way he spoke about other people, the way he talked about himself, the way he dismissed everything he didn’t understand as ridiculous and worthless, it all made me want to throw him out of a window.

Perhaps the most disgusting thing that came out of his mouth was on the subject of love, sex and marriage. In his opinion, girls should always be dressed up and gorgeous. They must always be flirty and seductive. There should never be a time when she is not reciprocating his romance and giving him her full attention.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You mother fucker.

It is not your decision how I express my emotions. You are not king of all the land, and I have no obligation to make you horny 24/7.

He’s about to take his dentistry license exam. Apparently, that makes him special and awesome and a treat that everyone should be grateful for.

No, we are not grateful for you.

So I did what any logical person would do and told him upfront about my diabetes. He made this weird face and was really awkward the rest of the time we were together. He hasn’t called me since.

Never another blind date. Ever.