Dig Two Graves: My Debut Novel

I am officially a published author! Check out my debut novel: Dig Two Graves.

Jezebel is a court-appointed psychologist who runs an underground female trafficking empire. To justify her actions, her victims are solely those whom she deems immoral. Now, she is being framed for a crime she had only intended to commit. A detective has placed a target on her back, and her time to catch her predator is quickly running out.

This novel centers around an “anti-heroin,” who works in a business generally operated by males. The book creates a moral paradox to challenge the concrete conceptions of good versus evil. It is a psychological thriller that explores the effects of fictional representations we use to replace painful realities in our mind’s psyche.

Click the photo below to find out more and order!

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Knocking People’s Hats Off

“Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people’s hats off – then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.”

The world is full of nasty, nasal, nefarious, nosy people who get off on other people’s misery. How we deal with them is what makes us who we are, and kudos to people who actually give a shit about that.

Let me tell you the truest thing I’ve ever come to realize:

Life sucks. It hands you lemons that are too gross to turn into lemonade. It sticks you with people you can barely stand. It punches you in the fucking gut over and over and over until you’re coughing up blood and can’t feel your face. Our world is black and white with red all over; with people telling people who they can and cannot be, and scary kids scaring kids into thinking they have a future, and parents being “parents” to the worst kin in existence without quite realizing what they’re doing to the rest of the world. There is no winning at life. There is no ultimate success. Hell, there is no glass ceiling, because that would imply that things are ultimately better on the other side. The rich are depressed, the poor starving, the middle class in a dream world they cannot accept is simply surreal, and everyone, everyone, is confused about who they really are.

There are people out there who work their asses off, and still don’t get what they want.  They jump through hoops, step over fire, run laps in the hamster wheel we happen to call life, and still don’t get what they want. So is that enough to sit back and say that it isn’t worth the work? It won’t happen, anyway, so why bother?

Let’s just sit back and Netflix until our eyes bleed and convince ourselves that we’re in this rut by choice.

Not that I have anything against Netflix, of course.

I don’t have any spectacular, ground-breaking words that will make anyone conquer their fears or jump on their horse and ride off into the sunset chasing their success.

All I know is, we are all narcissistic assholes, and those of us who aren’t, are lying.

So yeah, I feel like knocking people’s hats off. It’s not because I’m an angry old soon-to-be spinster, or because I’m the definition of sarcastic asshole, or because someone did me wrong and I’m too proud to take it and shut up.

No. I feel like knocking people’s hats off because I, myself, cannot muster enough humility to knock off my own.

We all fucked up. People suck. The sea sounds good right about now.

Live and Let Live Like Life’s Likely to Last

A few weeks ago, I applied for these journalism jobs in New York. I had three interviews in one day, two of which went really well. One was a writing job, which was a dream come true. The other was a production job with street reporting, which was also pretty much a dream come true.

One of them actually offered me a spot. I was supposed to start in January.

Long story short, I get a call from my would-be boss today telling me that they changed their mind. Why? They were worried about having a young girl take the job for safety reasons.

Yeah, because news reporting will jeopardize my safety, right?

Sure, I could file a lawsuit, but what’s the point? He’ll just say he didn’t say that, and that I’m just bitter about not getting the job.

When I started writing this post, I was going to ramble on and on about women’s rights and how I should have an equal opportunity, but I think I’ll save my breath–or finger power.

These words have been said before. We always have fits about equality, but I think two extremes have been created that make each side unwilling to hear out the other.

On one hand, we have hardcore feminists who pretty much hate men and claim they want equality when they really want superiority. A double-standard has been created because of the history of male dominance all over the world. Haven’t you noticed that people who witness men “putting their foot down” and giving orders have multiple fits, but when women do it to men, no one bats an eye?

On the opposite end, we have people who consider women the weaker sex. They think that men are stronger and more emotionally stable. There are jobs that are “man’s jobs,” and women shouldn’t do them.

And then there are those of us just hanging out in the middle waiting for someone to figure out that there is such thing as the best of both worlds.

Anything I say right now has been said before. I deserve the same chance as any man. I can get the job done just as well and maybe better.

And on and on and on.

It won’t change anything. I didn’t get the job that I was jumping up and down about simply for reasons I can’t control, and no words of anger or activism will reverse it.

So here’s to bring downs, put downs, break downs and let downs.

No one ever said life was fair.

I’ll drink to that.